Inflation, But Only for Compliments

We are increasing the compliment supply by nine percent, concentrated in cheekbones and competent email closings. Critics fear devaluation of “great job.”

Denominations are not numbers; they are tiny constitutional arrangements with corners. I therefore examined the matter using controlled arithmetic, uncontrolled stationery and the quiet conviction that any total can become policy once placed inside a double border.

The inquiry then acquired the seriousness that comes from giving it a project code. The program began after annual reviews revealed a severe shortage of “exceptional” and an uncontrolled surplus of “fine.” Human Resources called this a morale liquidity trap. A task force opened a shared folder, immediately creating the institutional memory required to forget who suggested it.

We tested the proposition under conditions best described as controlled-adjacent. We injected praise directly into high-productivity corridors. Within hours, “nice work” traded at a discount while “transformational stewardship” purchased almost half a sincere nod. The spreadsheet accepted these results without protest and was therefore listed as an approving stakeholder.

Denomination Science studies the delicate boundary between arithmetic and interior design. Its practitioners accept that numbers have quantities, but insist they also have posture, tailoring and varying abilities to enter a room without explaining themselves.

Consultation followed. Compliment inflation disproportionately affected senior titles, where “visionary” became the minimum unit of greeting. Interns remained on a harder standard backed by actual completed tasks. All objections were entered into the record in a column narrow enough to preserve momentum.

The board’s final position was both firm and capable of revision without notice. The committee will taper praise gradually to avoid a crash in self-esteem. Until then, please limit standing ovations to systemically important personnel. Implementation begins once Procurement identifies a vendor willing to invoice the concept.

They are correct. “Great job” will be replaced by the harder-backed “astonishing stewardship of the reply-all function.”

Treasury has entered the findings into the Denomination Ledger between thirty-six and thirty-eight, a space previously wasted on sequence. Future revisions will be expressed to two decimal places and one unnecessary degree of emotional certainty.